Twas the Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a blogger was typing, not even this louse;
The stockings were fishnets with only one tear,
In hopes that ol' Nickie would soon come up from the rear;
The neocons were nestled all snug with the Reds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in bit heads;
With mamma in a G string, and me in my jock,
We surfed to the corner then read news from Iraq,
When over by the campus there arose such a loud blather,
I stared at my PC as someone took down Dan Rather.
Now off my rocker I landed with a smash,
Reached for my PJ's and pulled out my stash.
The moon on the breast of my sweet little ms.
Not a blogger was typing, not even this louse;
The stockings were fishnets with only one tear,
In hopes that ol' Nickie would soon come up from the rear;
The neocons were nestled all snug with the Reds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in bit heads;
With mamma in a G string, and me in my jock,
We surfed to the corner then read news from Iraq,
When over by the campus there arose such a loud blather,
I stared at my PC as someone took down Dan Rather.
Now off my rocker I landed with a smash,
Reached for my PJ's and pulled out my stash.
The moon on the breast of my sweet little ms.
Looked atrociously pretty, but, alas, I had to wiz,
From the bathroom window, to my eyes did appear,
A miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
Seeing that little old Captain, so funny and quick,
I rushed to be finished, but I zippered my wick.
Yippee-Ki-Ya! my cursing out, came,
You ol' dirty bastard, I yelled in my pain;
"Git, DASCHLE! git, DANCER! git, PRANCER and VIXEN!
go, COMET! go CUPID! go, DUNDERHEAD and BLITZER!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Before I shoot you all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top I cursed as they flew,
That sleigh full of toys, and that St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
So I drew back my hand, and was turning around,
I wound up a good one to smack that old clown.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on their back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
A light sabre hung, snug inside its sheath;
He kept a black ace back at home in his quarters,
And shook, when he laughed yet suffered with goiters.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
From the bathroom window, to my eyes did appear,
A miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
Seeing that little old Captain, so funny and quick,
I rushed to be finished, but I zippered my wick.
Yippee-Ki-Ya! my cursing out, came,
You ol' dirty bastard, I yelled in my pain;
"Git, DASCHLE! git, DANCER! git, PRANCER and VIXEN!
go, COMET! go CUPID! go, DUNDERHEAD and BLITZER!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Before I shoot you all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top I cursed as they flew,
That sleigh full of toys, and that St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
So I drew back my hand, and was turning around,
I wound up a good one to smack that old clown.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on their back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
A light sabre hung, snug inside its sheath;
He kept a black ace back at home in his quarters,
And shook, when he laughed yet suffered with goiters.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
In the future, young man, don't wear your jeans quite so tight!
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
Dan, Khorosho! I revised my Commie Card to link to this post, twice. At first I had linked to the source of the Russian village photo, which added nothing festive.
So I linked to your outstanding version of "Twas the Night ..." instead.
Posted by: The Commissar | Friday, December 24, 2004 at 01:01 PM
Outstanding indeed!
Posted by: Jane | Friday, December 24, 2004 at 01:07 PM
Great stuff! Wildly original...
Too much work for me.
Posted by: Superhawk | Friday, December 24, 2004 at 01:40 PM
That was just beautiful. Merry Christmas!, Happy Holidays! Happy New Year! Kwanza! Chanukah! and yes, even Festivus!
Posted by: Jeremy | Friday, December 24, 2004 at 08:36 PM
Very nicely done. It's been a while since I've seen one like this. Just had to link it. As Superhawk said, "Too much work for me." But I do appreciate it when others do it.
A true example of the spirit of giving... links. ;)
Posted by: Kathy K | Friday, December 24, 2004 at 09:18 PM
Nice job! It's fun to guess the blogs before clicking on the links. I guessed which was A.C.E. on the first try. Thanks, and Seasons Greetings to all!
Posted by: ACE | Saturday, December 25, 2004 at 01:40 AM
Thankyou for the poem, and for the link, too!
Merry Christmas!
Posted by: Fausta | Saturday, December 25, 2004 at 10:13 AM
salam
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